


Just Like Sleep

by neverevesangel



Series: Dreaming Wolf [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 03:24:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21154811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverevesangel/pseuds/neverevesangel
Summary: Sometimes Lavellan cannot tell dream from reality. Post Trespasser. Sequel to "Under Your Skies" and "Only The Winds".





	Just Like Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat inspired by "Just Like Sleep" by Passarella Death Squad.

She wakes to the sight of Varric’s face looming over her. When he asks why she is crying in her sleep, she offers him a tired shrug and he lets it go.

Later, she accompanies him down to the courtyard and says her farewells to Cassandra. She is told that Dorian already left at break of dawn. Varric promises to write from the Winter Palace before he too vanishes into the mountains.

Skyhold feels empty in their wake. She spends her morning in search of Cole but he is nowhere to be found. Lunch with Josephine begins with the thick scent of roasted meat, turning her stomach, and ends in uncomfortable silence. She is glad to retire to her rooms afterwards where the nausea finally wears off.

The feeling of being imprisoned in her own home never does.

With a heavy heart she had disbanded the Inquisition and few yet stay in Skyhold with her. Soon she will be alone in this place with only her memories to keep her company and still she remains confined to the walls of the castle by some invisible leash, endlessly wandering the empty halls and stairways.

After dark she finds comfort in the stillness of the gardens, never certain whether she is visiting in dreams or the physical world, and there she sees him one night, a familiar silhouette against the moon. She rises to her feet, hurries past the jasmine and the rosebushes only to find him gone.

It is until she hears the squeaking of a door that she believes the shape of him in the gardens to have been illusion. The noise startles her, sends her heart beating at a mad pace. All at once the shadows framing the courtyard seem to become wilder things, reaching for her with long fingers, and she dares not call out for him. 

She flees the gardens, bursts through the heavy door and into the main hall. It lies deserted although the braziers are still lit. A thin layer of dust covers the tables and chairs, and turns the hall into something more akin to a crypt. Its heavy silence settles over her.

She feels watched.

Her eyes wander over every crook and corner, the balustrades towering over the hall, the flickering shadows of the fireplace, until she finally spots him half-concealed by the tower entrance where the stairs lead up to her chambers. He is too far away for her to read his expression but she can tell that his eyes are on her.

She waits, stares right back. Scared that he might dissolve into nothing if she breathes too harshly. Waits for him to step into the light.

Instead, he motions for her to follow and vanishes into the darkness beyond the door.

She crosses the hall with long strides, ducks through the doorway. Above her she can make out his quiet steps and hurries to follow.

When she climbs the final steps, he is nowhere to be seen. Moonlight falls in through the windows and casts a pattern of silver light and shadows onto the stone floor. There is a familiar chill in the air and it clutches at her throat with icy fingers.

Then she notices the open balcony door and her hand trembles when she pushes it open.

There he stands, his back turned to her, but once again in his elven form and seemingly untouched by the cold. He lowers his head slightly when she steps out onto the balcony and she almost smiles at that. She braces herself against the balustrade, staring into the vast expanse that lies before her. They have stood here often, all those years back, side by side but each lost in their own thoughts.

_I could not stay away,_ he says suddenly, the calm in his voice just briefly disturbed by emotion. She glances at him but his gaze is lost somewhere far away.

_I am glad._

Now he does look up, blinking slowly, and their eyes meet. She can see the exhaustion in him and, hidden beneath, a glimmer of longing. It tugs at her heart, too, and she allows herself to lean into him, resting her head against his shoulder as they lapse back into silence.

A solitary owl is circling below and she watches, fascinated, as it hunts for mice and martens. Her mind wanders off until a different thought surfaces.

_These rooms used to be yours, didn’t they?_ she asks, gesturing vaguely backwards.

_They were._

_Was it here that you slept after banishing the Evanuris?_

He only smiles in response.

_Sometimes I wish I could sleep like you did_, she continues quietly._ Sleep a thousand years, or longer still._

His disapproval shows in the way he straightens his posture, the slight frown that edges into his smooth features.

_Mortal you may be, vhenan, but there are years yet for you to live._

_Corypheus is defeated and the Inquisition no more. What else is there for me?_

_Find a new purpose. There is much you can do for your people._

_My people,_ she repeats bitterly, _that you sneer at for losing the way of the Elvhenan._

He gives a sigh, shaking his head slightly. _Let us not speak of these things tonight. You should be sleeping._

_I am sleeping. How else would I be here?_

_Your body may sleep but your mind wanders. With true rest you would feel better during the day._

_It would not wander if you just came home._

He remains silent despite the acid in her words. When he pushes himself away from the balustrade, she flinches at the sudden loss of warmth.

_Are you leaving?_ A hint of despair creeps into her voice at the question and she hates herself for it. 

But he only shakes his head and offers his hand to her. _Not tonight._

Relief washes over her then as she takes his hand and allows him lead her inside where warmth from the fireplace rushes forth to greet her. She strips down to her underwear in silence.

When she turns back to him, Solas is gone and her eyes meet the inquisitive gaze of Fen’Harel instead. Unafraid, she steps forward to place her hand on the beast’s head and it bows to her with eyes closed. She runs her fingers through the thick fur of its neck, feels the raw strength coiled beneath.

The wolf follows when she retreats to her bed and below the covers. It curls up around her until its chin is tucked against the crown of her head and she can dig her frozen fingers into the soft fur of his stomach. Sleep comes for her without warning.

She wakes before dawn, alone but rested, and leaves Skyhold that same day. She travels alone and unhurried, knowing already that she will never see the place where the sky is held back again in her lifetime. Only in her dreams does she return there, wandering the gardens, waiting for the shadow of a wolf.

**Author's Note:**

> It took me forever to write this and I'm not quite happy. Some of it is way too sappy for my taste. Concrit highly appreciated.


End file.
